Thursday, January 13, 2011

It's been a while...

I know this blog isn't all that popular and that I've been seriously neglecting it for almost a year. I'm sorry about that. For whatever reason I'm much better and writing down my thoughts in my little leather bound journal than typing them out on here.

Trust me I wasn't always like this. As I child I would sporadically writing in my little notebook my thoughts for the day or week. I enjoyed it because I would work out whatever little problems I had. Always a loner as a child I find that I am sort of the same way even now as an adult.

A few things have changed since the last time I blogged. I was introduced to a friend of a family member. To preserve my identity and the real people in my life, their identity as well, I will not be using real names on here when talking about them. So from this point on I will call him Blue Eyes.

Blue Eyes is of the same ethnicity as me, he comes from a good family, again like me. But there's just one thing that I can't understand about him. I don't know what it is exactly but it's like he's not into any commitment of any kind. You see we met back in May and I thought things were good. Stupid me. We Facebooked and texted for days on end. Not once did we call each other. When I would make overtures for either him to call me or me to call him he would say he was home and he didn't want to wake anyone up. I've been to his house. It's a pretty big house. I'm positive there is a room that is far enough away from the bedrooms that you can't be heard.


We made a few attempts at meeting each other in June. The first time I was told he wasn't able to make it because of some event at his job that he was helping set up. Ok fine I understood that. We rescheduled for a different day in the same month. He had to cancel that as well because of something that was going on at his home. Once again I said ok fine no problem. We attempted to meet up again a third time and go for drinks and a movie. We were supposed to meet at 7. He texted to tell me he was running late and wouldn't be there till close to the movie time. I said that's fine and that I would see him later that night. The time for the movie comes around - it's about 10 pm and I don't hear from him. I text him, call him no response. I wait another 30 minutes thinking he's late or something happened to him. Nothing. I give up and head home.

He contacts me the next morning telling me he fell asleep and only just woke up. Ladies I'm sure you are rolling your eyes right now. Trust me I did too when I heard this. But there was something about him that just pulled me to him. It still to this day draws me in a little bit - but I am getting ahead of myself here. In the meantime I was really hurt by all of this. I thought I did something wrong. That it was my fault he was avoiding me but I never said any of this to him. Girls, women, don't do that! So I kept on going minding my own business. I planned a trip to Greece because a few family members where going and I saw this as my chance to appreciate Greece in a different way than what I was used to growing up. I LOVED IT. I'll post a blog on my trip to Greece later.

When I told him I was going to Greece in July it became this big thing about meeting up before I left. I have no idea what he thought - he never explained anything to me. And we did finally meet either the week before I left or the week of my trip. I can't remember know which. We went to his friends house and it apparently was a pool party that I wasn't prepared for. I was encouraged to swim in my bra and panties. I declined. So he and I went to a movie. The movie theater made the movie horrible. It was so hot in there I thought I was going to die. We left and went back to his friends house for another hour or two. It was interesting. I had a good time. I enjoyed myself immensely and I thought it was the start of something more... HA HA HA HA

To shorten this up I went to Greece and came back 3 weeks later. A few days after coming home I was told in a text by Blue Eyes that he thought about this long and hard and unfortunately all he could offer me at this moment was a friends with benefits situation. I to my dismay was of course crushed. I should have known something like this was going to happen. Of course I didn't understand it and I still don't. Maybe is my lack of inexperience but first and foremost he and I aren't even friends to have a sexual relationship with. To me a friends with benefits situation comes with a lot of trust because you've pretty much known the person for a very long time. He and I don't have that kind of relationship. Maybe I am reading into this too much but I don't understand it. And it's still bothering me to this day because he keeps cropping up into my life again.

If he was even nice to me once in the last few weeks I would have said lets go out for a date or something but he isn't into that. He'd rather get a hotel room and experiment. What the F is wrong with men in this day and age? Where are all the good guys? Where are the ones that want to have a meaningful relationship with someone that they care about? Is it just me? Am I in the wrong here?


  1. It's not just you. There are people everywhere who go through the same situation, male and female. They set their sights on someone because they think there's a 'chemistry' between them, the possibility that this time things could be right and possibly perfect. Then they find out that the other person's only into it for the game of chase, catch, and release. You, unfortunately, seem to have run into one of those.
    Step back, step away, do your best to avoid him. But don't give up on finding someone who will treat you as the lovely woman you are and who will respect you for who and what you are.If you give up you'll never find him. Just remember, despite the saying to the contrary, you do have to look a gift horse in the mouth.
    Easier said than done, I know. But you can do it.

  2. You chose the right track with that guy. And as you say, friends with benefits implies a degree of long-term friendship & mutual trust.
    And I have to question his preference to go to a hotel room and "experiement" - what's the dude into, leather and chains or something?!

    It's a sh*tty situation, and a heartbreaking one, but you came out of it with your pride and your self-respect intact hun, so don't beat yourself up! *HUG*

  3. The "experiment" request was for a kissing and heavy petting session because I flat out told him I wouldn't just have sex with him like that.

  4. Don't be discouraged by someone who in truth doesn't do well in relationships himself. He sounds like a 'mama's boy' and a virgin. Seems to me he wants to have his cherry popped but doesnt' know How old is this dude like 12?

  5. Funny you said that, Anonymous. LOL he is a momma's boy and according to his friend he is a virgin. But then the guy is his friend so I'm not really sure how true that is. I just wish things could be different.